Love: Voiced

Where Next

11/30/2012

My fine friend Al, of http://thecvillean.wordpress.com/ fame, recently sent me a message saying he missed me. Oh Al, even if you say that sweet thing to all of your lady blogging friends, thank you. You made this ole girl smile. And I couldn’t stay away too long even with all the distractions.

There have been some very good distractions, most notably the annual trip to The Feast, where spirits were high and gratitude poured freely. My mother has spent most of her time and energy in the last year walking quite gracefully through the dark corridors of cancer. I could shout the word GRATITUDE and still not express the whole of how it felt to spend Thanksgiving in her company and to watch her reign queen over the big bunch.

Added to that excitement is the pleasant distraction of turning more of my creative energy to ‘my real deal’—-code, in my world, for my work in progress. You bloggers out there know what I’m talking about. The “big” book project, that fixation that has been in the back of my mind for quite some time, has finally hatched and has been begging my attention. It lives. And I am steadily and happily nurturing it along.

But that nice distraction hit a big bump recently in the form of what I refer to as the “you need to get a real job” incident. It started in a phone conversation which done gone bad. I, unfortunately, took the ruse to heart and ran with it. Beat myself up, wondered what the heck I was doing, couldn’t write, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t talk, couldn’t get the monkey off my back.

Until one day it just hopped away.

Actually, it didn’t really hop away—I had to use all of the strength I’ve built by doing push-ups to fling it away. And boy was that a load off. Got rid of much of that cargo of bad things that scare me and awful things that make me feel bad.

I gave a heave-ho to the “what’s the value in writing without a paycheck or health benefits”? argument. A firm goodbye to the case of “you are underemployed.” And a final farewell to “what’s the value in that”?

Are you ever silenced by those kinds of thoughts?

They are my worst form of distraction.

But, softly and very faintly, I hear another voice in need of my attention.

“Don’t give up. Don’t be silenced by the fear.”

In the dark time that surrounded my divorce, I was shushed by a “how-the-hell-did-this-happen” kind of overwhelm. My life, as it had been envisioned and lived since my early 20s seemed crushed, null and void. And the view ahead, firmly past age 50, was terrifying. Because it was completely unknown.

Then, the quiet voice spoke thus:

“But there is much to love in the unknown. It holds possibilities that did not exist in the known.”

That is my go-to thought when I am distracted by people with a half empty view of life or the kind of events that tend to stop me in my tracks.

That thought, and the kindness of others, keep me from getting stuck in the muck.

Thank you, Al for reminding me to carry on.

Before the FeastThanksgiving 2012

Before the Feast
Thanksgiving 2012

62 thoughts on “Love: Voiced

  1. Thank you Al for reminding her to carry on! It was clearly good for her to hear! And good for us too… we’re all a bit the better for reading her heart-full words.

  2. You, wonderful you.

    Reading today from “Turning Pro” by Steven Pressfield (recommended by Marie Forleo) on addictions to distractions: “Resistance hates two qualities above all others: concentration and depth. Why? Because when we work with focus and we work deep, we succeed.” “…What happens when we turn pro is, we finally listen to that still, small voice inside our heads. At last we have the courage to identify the secret dream or love or bliss that we have known all along was our passion, our calling, our destiny.”

    Sending you a big cyber hug of gratitude for your grace. Please let us know how we can support you.

  3. What a huge family! So glad your mother is doing well, and was able to “reign queen”.
    I, too ,am glad you were reminded to carry on – by Al, AND your little voice.

  4. Thank you for those kind words, Stacia. I could never hope to repay via my blog the inspiration you give through yours, so I am delighted that a simple but heartfelt greeting was able to do that.

    So glad you had a good time with your mom and family, I was wondering how she was doing. I look forward to the results of the “big book” project. And please, keep making us followers a “distraction” as often as you can!

  5. This is amazing Bella. You voiced so many thoughts that stay silenced in my head. It truly makes me proud to know you and call you friend, to see how much you have accomplished in the last few years. I didn’t know the former you, but I certainly love the current you, and can not wait to know the future you as well! I wish we were closer physically. Enjoy!

  6. Way to go, Bella. We’ll be around here when you want to blog. If you have a bigger picture for your writing, go for it!

    Glad your mom is doing well.

  7. Oh Bella, you really have been sorely missed and thank you Al for his sweet reminder. I wish you well in your new journey and for the book in the making and for your Mom, and to conquer all your fears and carry on..

  8. As always, your words are so beautiful. I love the line from the quiet voice, about the possibilities in the unknown, about loving and embracing them. *hugs* I missed you too and am delighted to see you again, as I am every time I see you’ve posted.

  9. I’m so glad to hear from you again and grateful to Al for giving you the nudge to pop in and catch us up. What a wonderful way to spend Thanksgiving with your family celebrating your Mother’s journey through that dark corridor. A great picture to cherish.

  10. We all owe Al our thanks for nudging you back to your blogβ€”you have been missed! And I’m glad to hear that your book has been speaking to you so that you can bring it to life in this world to be shared with others on the page.

    The voices that would keep us down and silent are loud. But that doesn’t make them right. We should always heed the quiet voice of the Muse. πŸ™‚

    • I am now working to try to keep the muse of the blog and the muse of “the project” both flowing. I do not seem to multi-task in that fashion very well. That’s something I see you doing quite well! Thank you.

  11. One person’s “underemployed” is another person’s “employed just right.” Glad you’ve come to terms with your demons.

    Love your line: β€œBut there is much to love in the unknown. It holds possibilities that did not exist in the known.” It took me years to realize that. Word.

  12. “β€œBut there is much to love in the unknown. It holds possibilities that did not exist in the known.”

    It’s for this very reason that I love the Buddhist practice of not-knowing (also called beginner’s mind).

    I have an article titled “The Flip Side of Knowing” in the current online edition of Evolving Your Spirit magazine (page 18): http://www.evolvingyourspirit.com

    • Just popped over and read your article—-love it when things click together like that. I particularly loved “not-knowing means not being limited by what we do know.” That says exactly what I was thinking. Thank you Laurie!

  13. It always brightens my day when I see a new post from Winsombella in my inbox! It’s been a while but you never disappoint Stacia. Can’t wait to learn more about the big project!
    b

  14. That is a big bunch, so glad your mom was still orchestrating the day. And it’s good to see you posting again. Your posts are always worth waiting for. Blessings on your project!

  15. Good for your Mom, Stacia. Glad she could still reign.
    I look forward to your book. Sure, it may be awhile yet, but it is coming and you are writing it, and well – that is good enough for me right now.

    • Thank you—-it is coming along well but yes, it will be a while. Nice thing is I finally let go of the angst about it and then it started to come easy. Well, kinda easy at least πŸ™‚

  16. I think, perhaps, any creative person asks herself, Why bother?
    And then I wrote a book. It’s not a best-seller, not near. But sometimes a reader emails me. And like you say, they touch the heart, and it reminds me that even if only one person’s life is changed then that’s the purpose of the book. No more is necessary. You have much to share. And we have hearts that want to listen to you.

    • That’s what I like to hear—I think what got me going finally was to lose all the expectations and worry. Now it’s coming along and making me happy. And I hope it will have a positive impact on at least one someday πŸ™‚ Thanks Barb.

  17. I’m glad you made your way past the big bump, and I hope your mother finds her way out of that dark corridor.

    Good luck with your book project — I look forward to hearing more about that.

  18. Bella, So glad to read your words again. Many pats on the back to Al and virtual hugs to your mom, reigning queen. You are a fine writer. Your readers love to hear details from your life like this so we can get to know you better. All the best!

  19. We writers are always plagued by doubts. We have that little gargoyle sitting on our shoulder, saying, “What ever made you think you have enough talent to get something published?” Blast that ugly little creature! Glad you knocked him off your shoulder, at least for awhile. (Stay vigilant: He will return!). You are an amazing writer, and don’t you ever forget it!

  20. a very very cool piece of writing, thank you so much for voicing what we all feel at times.. an excellent shot too.. have a great day, keep pounding those keys.. c

  21. Love that thought. I liken it to being a senior in high school again and you can be anything you want and have all the choices yet to make. It’s exciting. Embrace it. Most people who keep at something eventually are successful. It’s the quitters that NEVER are.

  22. I think all creatives fight that inner voice of “what’s the point”. I am glad you were able to fight it. The author Steven Pressfield calls it the war of art – and has written a book about it with the same title. So, yes, just push on; and just think how exciting it is that you are steadily nurturing your book project. Fantastic. And indeed what a nice way to spend Thanksgiving, too.

  23. So glad you got to spend the holiday with your mom. I’ve had those crushing doubts and thoughts too. Sometimes you have to take a leap and sometimes you have to be pragmatic. And sometimes you carve out a middle road that never seemed possible. Write on my friend, write on!

  24. Not always easy to have the glass half full, not half empty. But really, our glasses are ALWAYS more than half full, aren’t they? Drink up the believe in yourself – look at all these other writers who believe in you. What a gift!

  25. β€œDon’t give up. Don’t be silenced by the fear.” – thank you for the words. 2012 was a difficult, scary, messy year for me (my mother nearly died) but I have come through it – somehow – and I am taking a leap of faith into 2013. This is going to be one heck of a great year (I hope!)

    Keep going and write on! I love your blog and the philosophical words. Happy New Year! πŸ™‚

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